Thursday, October 27, 2011

The Muse

Lily opened the dishwasher and began putting the dishes away. The flashbacks started, and she stood motionless for a moment, thinking about Calum. She shook herself from the memory and picked up an earthenware coffee cup and held it to her face, it was still warm. But she couldn't fight it; she closed her eyes and fondly recalled the way he used to come up behind her when she was working in the kitchen. He would pull her back against him, turn her around and kiss her passionately, making her forget all about whatever mundane task she had been toiling away at – those were the days – but they were over; they had been for some time now, and it was all her own fault. That was a bracing thought that brought her back to reality.

She set the cup down and lifted out the plates one by one and stacked them gently on the counter. Her fond memories were from the days when she was a writer. She had always had a gift; a magical gift. She could write scenarios and people into her life– make them real. In fact, she had created Calum; and then he had become her muse. All she had to do was type a scene, or write a few words in her notebook or journal and he would come to her, stories creating themselves. She wrote pages and pages without pause; because he set her free. He released her from the shackles of her humdrum existence, and then, over time, he became so much more. He was her inspiration, and her best friend, and then he became her lover.

He always knew exactly what she wanted, and when she wanted it. He adored her. He was romantic; he brought her flowers, and wrote her poetry. He danced with her in the moonlight. They drank wine together and watched sunsets. He kissed her softly, and held her hand. He fed her strawberries and cream, and stroked her hair as he held her on cold rainy nights. He made love to her for hours upon end, as if no one else had ever existed or ever would.

She leaned against the counter and closed her eyes again. She used to be able to summon him into existence with only a thought; and he would appear like a demon hungry to possess her soul. He would enter her mind, taking over her thoughts and then the words would just pour out from her; Calum holding her face, kissing her lips and then her neck. Calum pressing her against the cabinets, then lifting her up onto the counter top. His hands pushing up her skirt, and wandering all over her body as he kissed her mouth, slowly and hotly, seemingly for hours.
But not anymore.

The ideas had just stopped. She no longer wrote fascinating scenarios, with romantic characters that came to life and entertained her. It had all ended with the last journal entry she had written almost six months ago. Maybe because she had created a new character, James; a young handsome man with romantic interests all his own; and apparently, Calum hadn't liked it. It wasn't even a love story, it was just a few lines of free verse inspired by a dream she'd had, and Calum hadn't been back since.

She sighed and opened the cabinet to set the plates inside. She wanted to feel his hands around her waist again. She closed her eyes and tried to get the words right, but they would not come. She could picture him, and she could still feel his hands hot and wanting upon her skin, but the story wouldn't flow. It was the worst case of writer's block she had ever had. She had lost her muse. She was useless without him, and she had to have him back; today – right now. She went to her bedroom, frantically searching for the journal. It had been months since she'd had it, where had she put it?

After tearing her room asunder, she found it in the corner under a stack of overdue library books. She hastily flipped to the last entry and read the first couple of lines:

James, my love...I remember the pouring rain, drenching us both as we kissed for the first time; Standing together on the white sand, the vast expanse of the great blue ocean, stretched out before us in witness to our profession of love...

She ripped out the page and tore it to shreds. Little pieces of confetti now covering her floor, she closed her eyes once more, and concentrated. Nothing happened. She waited; and then she whispered his name. Another minute passed, and then she felt it; Calum's hot breath on the back of her neck, his hands around her waist. She kept her eyes closed as he spun her around, his mouth immediately upon hers. Her muse was back. Now she could write again.

©2011 Garden Summerland

Sunday, September 25, 2011

A Letter from Lorna

“Excuse me, you're Chris aren't you? Chris Mason? Well, um, Mr. Mason my name is Kristoff Avery... and ah, I think you knew my mom...um... years ago. Lorna Avery?” Kristoff ducked his head under the enormous patio umbrella to shield himself from the blinding sun.
The old man looked up at him, with a puzzled expression.
“Oh, I'm sorry, you must have known her as Matthews, Lorna Matthews? Well, anyway, I came across this letter, going through all her stuff...that I guess she just never mailed, and I thought you should have it. So here you go...” Kristoff held out the yellowed envelope and Chris took it with a shaky hand.

“Yes, I'm Chris Mason. Thank you. Would you like to sit with me?” he gestured to the wrought iron bench next to his chair. “It's quite a lovely day; they wheel me out here to sit when it's sunny and warm.” He nodded to one of the nursing staff as she brought him a small white cup and two pills. He took his medication and drank the contents of the plastic cup, the letter still grasped in his hand.
Kristoff sat down next to him, uncertain of what to say next.
“Thank you, it is a lovely day.” He paused and then, “Mom passed away last month, I don't know if you knew...she had been sick for a long time.”

Tears welled up in Chris's eyes and he looked away.

“I'm very sorry, Mr. Mason.... maybe I shouldn't have come.” Kristoff stood to leave and the old man held up his hand.
“Please, I didn't know she had been sick. You said you found this letter?” his voice cracked.

“Yes, and then it took quite a while to locate you, that address is almost 30 years old. And then of course, you are here now... They have a strict privacy code, it's an extraordinary place.” He looked around at the beautifully landscaped grounds, the over abundance of flowers & shaped hedges. A full medical staff tending to the other residents, sitting out in the sun.

“You look like her.” Chris smiled wistfully.
“Yes sir, that's what everyone has always said. You knew her well?”
“A long time ago...” He clutched the letter to his chest. “A long time ago we were friends. Just friends.”
But Kristoff could tell by the way he said it, that this man and his mother had been much more than just friends. Maybe he shouldn't have brought the letter. Now he just stood there in the awkward silence. Chris looked up at him. Oh yes, he looked so very much like Lorna, he had her eyes.

“I really should be going, it was very nice to meet you.” Kristoff didn't wait for a response, he quickly headed back through the immaculate grounds, disconcerted that the exchange had made him so uncomfortable.

Chris cradled the letter to his chest for a long time. Curious as to it's contents, and yet fearful of them. Maybe it was best if he never read it. There was nothing on the exterior of the letter to give him an idea of the time frame in which it was written. Was it written when they were only just friends?
Or after they had become so much more? Or even after then, when he had left her?
He laid the letter on the glass topped table in front of him. No. He would not read it. It would only bring him pain; and he was having one of his better days.

Twenty minutes later, he still sat staring at the envelope, pondering it's possible contents.
Then he grabbed the letter and tore it open.

Dear Chris,

I have waited for months to write to you. I have been trying to decide if I should tell you or not, and I suppose that I really have no choice. You will probably find out sooner or later anyway.
I am writing you because I cannot bear to face you. Perhaps if I had told you, you would not have left, but then... you would've been staying for the wrong reasons.
I am sitting here remembering the beautiful life that we shared, that now seems so very long ago. I used to sit up nights and watch you sleeping. Did you know that? I used to stroke your hair and whisper love sonnets to you as you dreamt.
And now, when I close my eyes each night, I can see your peaceful face, smiling in slumber. Oh Chris, if I could just have you back. How many times can I write that I love you, before you will return to me? How many days, weeks, months must I suffer? I still do not understand why you have left me. I thought that we were so happy.
It seems as though I should tire of writing letters to you that I have no intention of ever sending; most especially this one. I should burn all of them, lest they ever find their way into your hands.
If you ever come back to me, I want it to be because you love me, not because....
Well, that brings me to the purpose of this particular letter.
My dear Chris... since you left me, I have had another child. Now Maeve has a little brother, and we make quite the family. But it is an incomplete family without you.
I love you Chris, I always have and I always will. But just like I kept my feelings for you a secret for so long, so too must I keep another secret; Kristofferson is your son.
Maybe one day I will send this letter to you. And maybe one day you will forgive me.

Always ,

Lorna

©2011 Garden Summerland

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Rain Child

You are my child of the rain, and you have run away.
I have begged you for one more moment,
Another chance to hold you, to love you.
And as the rain begins to fall,
I am comforted, albeit briefly; for I know that you will return.

You will love me when it rains.
As the shimmering mist falls from an overcast sky,
it turns our world into a mystical fantasy.
I can feel the fervent emotions pouring from your heart;
Cascading gently over me, soaking me with your passion.

But my reality is tragically different.
No darkened sky, no glistening mist of fanciful dreams;
It is a world devoid of my precious rain child.
I ache for you, but sadly I know,
It is only the rain that makes you love me.

And when it ends, you will be gone again.
My love lost without a trace.
Now there is no solace for my broken heart.
The sun is breaking through the clouds,
and without you, I am disheartened and forlorn.

The rain of reality can never wash away my sorrow.
You are so far from me, and there is nothing I can do to change it.
So I will cry for you~ a flood of tears for my rain child.
They are not enough; for you have not come back to me.
But one day it will rain again, and you will love me.

©2011 Garden Summerland


Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Rain in the Meadow


The rain falls around us in a delicate mist. I move closer to you, seeking refuge in your arms; there is a storm coming. I brush the hair from your eyes; those sweet dreamy eyes. Green eyes; angel eyes; angel eyes in the rain.
We are standing beneath a huge barren oak tree in a golden meadow, we have walked miles to get here, the lone tree left standing after so many years; this is the place where we first fell in love. Back then, it was a deep green forest; we fell upon wet leaves and moss, entwined in our burgeoning passion.

Immersed in the romantic memories of our first time together, I close my eyes as I bring your face to mine; tenderly kissing your lips as you tilt your head ever so slightly, your mouth taking mine with an unrestrained hunger. Your hands are around my waist pulling me against you, as the rain comes down harder, soaking us both. Your lips now only lightly grazing mine as they begin their descent, seeking out my neck. I move against you in the slow steady rhythm of the rain.
Your hot breath whispers against my throat, as the frigid rain pours over our bodies; the sensations of fire and ice, as your touch scorches me with a new found intensity. Searing hot electricity coursing through your veins overpowers me and the icy deluge from the sky soaks my clothes and chills my skin. We are lost together, outside of concepts of time in the exquisite pleasure of our shared obsession; our recollections of so long ago intermingled with our current desire.

You smell like the rain of our past and taste of the crisp cool autumn mornings we have spent in each others arms, lying together for hours, enjoying the blissful consummation of our hearts.
Kissing you is love reborn, desire alive and vibrant.
Once again, we make love in the rain, just like it was before.
The progression of time has changed nothing, and as if we have wished for the same thing we are transported if but for a moment back into that lush green forest, our youth retained, our love the same.
Lightning crashes in the distance as our fevered pitch reaches climax and we are drowned by the paroxysm of our ecstasy... and the rain.

Once again, you have completed me. You are my love, my soul, and once again, my rain.

©2011 Garden Summerland

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Splendor in the Rain

As darkness falls, I close my eyes and wait for the vision to come to me again; my sweet clandestine lover. You have always remained mysterious, but I know you now. And I know your name; I speak it every day. I whisper my love to you, and I know that you hear me.
I dream of making love to you in the rain; a fantasy I entertain even in my waking hours. Now we are alone together at last, wandering in the dense green of a charming storybook forest.
We become lost. Lost and yet found, as I have imagined every detail a hundred times. Our wet clothes fall away with each step deeper into the cover of the woods; we are hidden even as our passions are uncovered.
Your dark hair is soaked and sticking to your face, your mouth devouring mine as the ice cold rain cascades over us, cutting through the hot air & burning our naked skin.
You are on top of me on the ground, your lustful endeavor welcomed with no resistance; I cannot breathe. Your mouth is heavy upon mine, the pouring rain is drowning me and your love smothering me until I can no longer think. Dominated by your desires, I scream out your name in the uncontrolled ecstasy of our consummation.
I love you.
We lay together upon a blanket of soft wet leaves and velvety moss, the splendor of our passion enveloping us in delighted contentment.
I open my eyes and look out my bedroom window. It is raining and I whisper your name.
©2011 Garden Summerland

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Brilliant

It was too much pressure. Caiden ran away. Look perfect. Act perfect. Be perfect. And be brilliant.
It was the only thing that he could ever be in her eyes; and yet he didn't know it. He said he had nothing to prove but deep down he'd never believed it. He thought he could never measure up. They had beaten him down; the other ones, they said he was stupid, and ugly. A failure. They called him names and mocked him. He hated them. They were his best friends.

He hadn't minded so much until he met her; Lily. Then everything had changed. He loved her, but he knew she could never feel the same. 
He was wrong.
She thought he was beautiful and brilliant. In her eyes, he could be perfect. With her he thought, maybe his life could be different; he could escape the trap he was caught in; his life, his friends.
But they laughed at her too. Taunted him and called her the names they'd once called him. Oh how he hated them. He even stopped seeing her. Stopped calling her and talking to her so that they would leave her alone. He tried to protect her from the hell he'd been put through. But it didn't stop them, and it only hurt her, as she didn't know what was going on, only that her beloved Caiden had stopped being her friend.

Lily would've taken care of them if only she'd known. Somehow, she would've fixed it so that they could never hurt anyone again; certainly not her Caiden. But she never knew, because he had never told her.
There was just an absence in her life now. A hole where his bright shiny words had been & now... the void of nothingness sucked her dry & made her life hell too.

So they were both living in hell, apart, separated by silence & mocking.

She hadn't heard from him in weeks. She was heartsick, wondering what had happened to him, and trying desperately to figure out what she had done to make him leave. She was left with a photograph and his brilliant words, love sonnets he had written just for her. Reading them made her cry, left her sobbing into her pillow every night. This could never be enough.

But she was committed to waiting for him, as long as it took. She would give him all the time that he needed. And she knew that one day, he would return to her. She was certain of it.
Everyday she would look at his picture, and speak words over it. Magic words; a spell. She wasn't even sure where it came from, only that when she looked at his photograph, the incantation flowed from her lips. It frightened her and excited her at the same time. Words had made him run away, could words bring him back?
She held his picture to her breast and closed her eyes. She could feel him, he was so near. More words came from her mouth, they were his words, and they were brilliant.
He was coming back to her, he loved her. The magic words came from him, he always knew exactly what to say. He truly had a gift.
He was brilliant.

©2011 Garden Summerland

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Soul Kiss

I imagine your lips, those sweet sweet honey lips that I have kissed before; over and over again in every imaginable erotic scenario. I want to reside forever inside the warmth and pleasure of your mouth; embracing your slow and succulent, long burning hell-fire kisses even as they send shards of ice through my veins because I cannot have you. Because I will never have you.

I relinquish my will to you, surrendering to this overpowering obsession, if but for one more, just one more moment of the searing ecstasy of your mouth upon mine... imagined kisses that burn up the stars in my eyes, and briefly extinguish the agony of my soul.

I dream of your mouth, methodically devouring mine, and it freezes my blood stone cold and turns my heart inside out as I beg for you; pleading softly, incessantly for one more touch as the darkness of the night colors soundlessly into day.

I awaken~ aching from holding you in my arms, my body burned and depleted of every ounce of resistance.... I have given everything for you, and still I awaken alone.

I sob uncontrollably. In the middle of the day I scream out your name to an empty existence; I love you.
Please come to me.... I will fulfill your every want; I will quench every carnal desire you could every possibly fathom. I will worship you, and you will fall to me, fall for me, fall with me. You are the pinnacle of my desire, the angel inside the marble; I want you.

I look at your face and everything is beautifully mirrored from inside of myself.... purity and honesty and the unbridled passion of eons of time surpassed only by the fervent aspirations that your lips ignite against mine.

All of this for a kiss; for your kiss. Sweet lips lighting an eternal flame; a soul kiss.

©2011 Garden Summerland

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Secret Smile

You have given me a secret smile.
It is the hope that I cling to on my lonely journey; the life I live without you.

This is my remembrance of you; your charming manner and your delightful sensitivity, the soothing comfort in which you indulge me. I miss you and I wonder if you will ever return.

These endless trials of solitude and the sleepy late night embraces of the mind are my dreams that fade to gray and then back again. I slumber and yet I am wide-awake, dreaming and then not. I imagine your sweet mouth, burning upon mine and I long for the pleasure of your kisses. I feel your hot breath against my neck, it makes me smile.
My secret smile.

I recall your brilliant words cascading over my doubt, my loss, my sanity. I know that you must return to me; my love, my heart, my soul.
You are here every night in my dreams; as I awaken with a smile.

We will always be together; somewhere~ in my daydreams and in nightly visions, in fantasy and fairy tales. And I will always have the smile you have given me.

I imagine you now; you have come to me in the night. Your eyes sparkle in the darkness, and your pale skin is luminescent in the moonlight that filters through a stained glass window beneath a blackened sky. You are beautiful; and I will love you.

Right now, somewhere far from me, I know you smile; your secret smile.
Our secret smile.


Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Waiting

With impassioned desire and an unfathomable ache, I wait for you.
How long must I suffer? I close my eyes and at last I feel your touch.
Gentle at first, your hands everywhere upon my bare flesh as I give myself unreservedly to you.

I recall the innocent pleasure of your mouth upon mine; as I become lost again in the solace of your momentary abandon. Your mouth is on fire, tearing me apart and filling my very soul with searing flames I cannot extinguish. I pine for you, willing to sacrifice the essence of my being for that one unrestrained touch as your devotion envelops me, soothing my distress. 
I miss you.

Tonight my love, you will come to me again; for when I close my eyes, you are mine. I have chained myself to the faith of our never-ending desire. Unable to stop the deluge of thoughts you have created within me; You are my insatiable desire. I will wait and I will endure, I must because it is all that I have left of you. And yet, I will awaken once more, alone in my bed; tasting the sweetness of your love on my lips.

These are the thoughts I have of you night and day; thoughts that are ripping me apart. Chipping away at my sanity. I cannot escape them, it has become who I am. Waiting, always waiting for you. 
As long as it takes.

©2011 Garden Summerland


Thursday, June 16, 2011

Cruel Dreams

I felt you last night.
Your bare skin against mine, your hands searching my body;
Accepting your release as I surrendered my soul to you.
Once again your lips ravaging every inch of me;
an insurmountable desire coursing through your veins.
This unstoppable need that devours your will;
A need only satiated within the sanctuary of my devotion.

You came to me;
Alone and wanting.
Endless pleasures awaiting you;
Ones you will not, and cannot deny any longer.
You feel my intense passion raging inside your heart;
I am a relentless hunger, burning into you.

You felt me last night.
My naked skin against yours, my hands searching your body.
You have surrendered your soul to my wants, to satisfy my every desire;
As you revel in the transcendent ecstasy of my touch,
and the slow tender kisses that set the very essence of your being on fire.

My dreams have brought you to me, and then taken you away.
I have endured lifetimes across miles of time and space;
Only to suffer again, as I am left waiting for you.
Forever; for you.
Always you. 

©2011 Garden Summerland

Monday, June 6, 2011

Gone

I cannot get your memory out of my head.
The harder I try, the deeper you become embedded into my heart.
My tears flow easily as I question what I have done to make you go away.
You never even gave me a chance.

Never a chance to show you what was inside my heart.
Dare I say it?
No not ever.
And now you have gone away. You will never know.

With every tear I cry, a little more of my love is lost on you.
I wish I were with you now;
Stroking your hair and lying with you on your bed.
Laying my head against your chest,
And listening to your heart beat.
Forever.

Instead, I cry; because I know that will never happen.
We are in two different worlds that will never meet.
My only solace is that you never knew how I felt.
You were spared the burden of my imagined passions;
And now you are gone.

You shattered me into little tiny pieces;
Blind to the truth that rips my heart into shreds.
I still cry for you every night;
Futile cries in the dark, because you can never be mine.

I grieve for you now in poetic verse,
my words falling upon deaf ears;
Because you are gone.
©2011 Garden Summerland 

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Soul





I licked his lips; he tasted like salt and our night of erotic play. 
“Good morning.” I whispered and moved against him, pulling his body closer to mine. He was still half asleep as he kissed me deeply and we replayed the passion of the night before, again and again. I could never get enough of him.

Now he was exhausted. I watched him as he slept peacefully; trying to permanently impress this moment into my mind. In just a few short hours, I would be gone. They would come for me. And I would have no choice but to leave. I would have to say good -bye. For a very long time, if not forever. He was the only happiness I had ever known.

I had run away. I could no longer live their duplicitous lifestyle. I was torn between the miserable solitude of life everlasting, and the essence of his purity that ran through my veins. Last night, I made a choice. And even though I knew that it would change nothing, I renounced them. At least now they knew where my loyalties lie. I had come to him, and I had loved him all night. I wanted to make it last forever. But now...it was almost over. They had given me 24 hours. And I had laughed at them. They couldn't take me away from him now. Or could they? I fought the painful truth as I watched him dream. I stroked his hair, bestowing ethereal visions of the two of us in ecstasy. He smiled. And as he made love to me in his dreams, they were coming for me.
I cried.

He didn't even know. He thought I had come back for good. When he awakened, I would be long gone, and he would think it had all been a dream. They would take care of that at least. Spare him the pain.
I would not be so lucky. They would make certain that I felt pain. Excruciating mental anguish for eons to come, oh yes, I would be made to suffer. They would make an example out of me. The one that tried to leave them. And for what?

There were quite a few perks that came with our way of life. But freedom had never been one of them. Kind with kind; that was their law. And I had broken it. I had fallen in love with him; a mere boy. I was old enough to be his great grandmother. Something else he would never know, because I didn't look a day over 21.

He stirred & sleepily opened his eyes... my charms could not hold him, he felt my emotions as though they were his own. I looked into his sweet hazel eyes and felt his soul stirring with fervid desire.
Tears flowed freely from my eyes and I begged them; screaming at them in my head... please, please don't take me back.

He was smiling as I felt them pulling me away. I fought them as I bent down to kiss him one last time. My lips touched his and for a moment, we were in his dreams... ecstasy like I had never known. He cried with me and then he laughed.
He was my soul. 

©2011 Garden Summerland

Monday, May 23, 2011

Wanted

It only lasted a few seconds; but they were timeless seconds that made me forget everything and everyone except the hotness of his mouth upon mine. For those few moments, I was alive; my dreams existed and long dead fantasies sprang to life.

I pulled myself away just as the others walked past. They were unaware of what had just happened between us. And for a moment, I thought perhaps I had imagined it.
I leaned back against the tree behind me to steady myself and study him as the rest of our group caught up. His eyes were wild and his lips reddened from our fleeting embrace.
My face flushed.
Perhaps coming today had been a mistake. But I knew he would be here. And I knew exactly what would happen. And I did it on purpose.

It sounded innocent: a guided nature walk through the Derrylin forest and a picnic afterward; a community effort to raise awareness for forestry preservation.
But the only thing I had been made aware of were wanton desires I thought I had long ago laid to rest.
As the group filtered in around us, he looked down at the ground, and I tried to appear aloof, staring at nothing in particular.
Neither of us spoke as we regained our composure and wandered off in opposite directions.

I found a comfortable spot away from the main group to eat my lunch; a simple fare of fruit and cheese, and wine, the latter of which I had been expressly asked not to bring. But I needed something to take the edge off the afternoon. I knew that I had wanted this, even to the extent that part of me felt I had orchestrated the entire scene. Deep down I knew that it would bring nothing but trouble; and I weakly admonished myself for even entertaining such an idea, and yet I just couldn't help myself.
He had bewitched me; with seductive pouty lips that drove me mad with an all consuming desire that I had been denying for months. And the most soulful green eyes I had ever seen. I wanted to lose myself in them; in him.

From across the picnic area, he watched me not watching him. I couldn't even look at him. My mind raced out of control with forbidden fantasies. I had wanted him from the first day I saw him.
I was completely and utterly smitten.

After lunch, I decided I would make my excuses and find my way back to my car.
I had planned it all along.
I wandered back down the path, the way we had come, and I took a wrong turn. I was lost.
But that too had been intentional. I knew he would follow me. He couldn't resist me any more than I could resist him.
I waited for him to catch up. He didn't come.
I was a little disappointed, and yet as I continued on my way, getting deeper and deeper into the woods, I still knew he would be there.

The forest was quiet. I turned around. He was watching me from a short distance away.
“You're lost.” he called out in a whisper.
I smiled at him.
He came to me, swiftly without another word.

Longing unfulfilled and months of torture waiting...waiting for this one chance of passion in the sanctuary of the shadowy wood. Exactly as I had imagined, he held my face and kissed me again.
This time, it lasted forever.
It was all I ever wanted.

©2011 Garden Summerland

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Whisper

I searched for you today in a hundred different faces.
But none of them were you.
You are lost to me.
Lost forever in my fantasied obsession.

Your words burn into my mind with fire & electricity,
And your innocent passion engulfs my heart.
Your face is as bright as the morning sun,
your smile a beacon of hope.

I have longed to hear your thoughts
And the poetry that escapes your lips,
Those lips I long to kiss.

For just a moment in time, I believed that you were mine.
But it was only an enticing distraction.
Daydreams that play out in my mind as I hear your words inside my head;
Speaking volumes to my soul that cries out in vain.

You are where the ocean meets the sky.
You are the moment that light crosses into darkness.
You are a precious memory,
Locked away inside my heart.

I hunger for your unrestrained prose
And I hear your voice again.
It is just a whisper.
A faint beckoning that beguiles me.

I would burn in hell just to touch you once.
But then, I am there already without you.



© Garden Summerland 2011

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Lips Like Sugar

Every day I awaken to the painful reality of a vanishing fantasy. Visions of you and your angelic face are set adrift in the mists of my mind as I wait to succumb once again to your exotic charms.
Darkness encompasses my thoughts; I feel you. 
Your mouth on my neck feverishly; vampiric fantasies.

I want you.

I draw your mouth to mine and pull your lithe body against me. I am lost in dreams of softly kissing those sweet lips. 
Lips like sugar. 
Lips that have ravaged my body and made me ache for so much more.

Your muscles flex against me; within me. 
Your force consuming me, drowning me, taking me until there is nothing left…

I want you.

Your hands hold my wrists; I writhe in your grasp. 
You like that more than you are willing to admit. 
I know that you do.

Your intensity crushes into me, soothing me, subduing me, and yet awakening my eternal hunger for you again. And I am here, just for you. Every night.
You have exhausted my will to call it your own.

And I want you.

©2011 Garden Summerland

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Weakness

I whispered your name again last night.
Screaming it inside my head, as I felt your hands intently caressing my flesh so willingly given to you.
Cold chills burning into me with every touch… an insurmountable weakness...
all for you.

I am consumed by haunting desire, to feel your skin beneath mine, your mouth possessing me, your soul enticing me to let go.

Tonight, once again I will scream your name as I succumb to your passion, unable to resist your hot skin pleading for my touch.
Pleasing you immeasurably with endless fulfillment of truth.
Tonight.

I am weak.

©2011 Garden Summerland

Oblivious

Have I awakened from twisted dreams, or have they become the reality I battle everyday? He held me down last night. Forceful and unrelenting. Did he expect a struggle? No, he wasn't even aware of what he was doing, because I have created it all. Every scene, every touch, every thought.
He is unworldly and childlike, his actions pure and virtuous. And yet he has been my undoing. I wanted him long before he came to me in my dreams, and he still doesn't know. Naive to the effect his words have upon me, he speaks freely and without pretension. I am smitten and he is blissful. The way it will have to be.
He casts his spell upon me with ease, his emotions slicing through my frail reserve like razor sharp glass. My fantasies bleed out before him, and he is fulfilled beyond his own imagination. I will have him every night. Any way that I choose. I have no defenses left, he has inadvertently broken me and made me revel in my own savage hunger. And yet still I crave more. What is it about him that I cannot deny? Will not deny. He is a quenchless thirst that leaves me aching every morning for his nightly returns. And he is sleeping the sleep of the innocent.
Oblivious.
©2011 Garden Summerland

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Pain

I thought of you today.
Because I heard your name.
It hurt me; just like you used to.
I miss it.

It was all a game to you.
It still is.
I wait, and you don't come.
It makes you smile.
And I cry.

So long ago, yet it seems like today.
Where are you now?
I've no one to play with anymore.
All this pain you inflict.
Are you really unaware?

I am caught.
Smothered by an inescapable torment.
Because I have dared to love you.
And you didn't feel a thing.
You carry on with your life.
And I suffer in silence.
No one can ever know.

These childish things I have put behind me.
Or so they thought.
I smile and they think I am happy.
But I never knew you at all.
Only the pain I received from your laughter.
And now it has all gone away.
Even the pain.
Until... today.

©2011 Garden Summerland

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Devotion

I can't stop thinking about you.
You are all that is on my mind.
Being with you, touching you, kissing you.
Once again.
Devoting every waking hour to your pleasure.
You have immobilized my will. 
I am forever haunted by memories of you. Of us and a life we shared.
Only... it hasn't happened yet.
I see things in my mind from our past; a past that has not yet been lived. The pouring rain, soaking us both as your flesh melts beneath my lips. 
I am insatiable.
I love you.
No, I really love you.
Don't you remember?
I have lost all sense of reason. My skin burns from your brief touch; but it was only in my mind.

Kiss me. Pull me close, quickly, passionately and roughly. I look into your eyes. Searching.
You have found me again.
And now, I cannot wait any longer. I must have you against me, inside me, swallowing my every thought and desire.
Just like it happens every night when I close my eyes.

You make me shake.
©2011 Garden Summerland

Monday, April 18, 2011

Lost II

There is a secret passageway inside my mind.
You take me there every night. It is a door to another world.
A dream land of ecstasy in your arms; and I cannot find it alone.

I am lost and without you I will never find it again.
You have been the only one to unlock my secrets.
We must find it again.
Search with me and love me.
I am lost in my mind with you.
I close my eyes and feel your caress, your lips brushing against my skin, taking my breath and searing my soul.

I am so weak.

Hold me. Hold me tightly, crushing me against you... so much until I can no longer breathe.
An image of your face is burned into my mind; your voice echoes in my head, & your hands touch my heart.

Kiss me.
Consume me.... as you already have; to the point of no return.
I am lost with you.
I am lost without you.
 
©2011 Garden Summerland

Friday, April 15, 2011

Dream Lover

I am alone against the night. I close my eyes and I see us together, as we once were, not so very long ago.

The open windows are enshrouded in white lace that dances as the breeze flows through, bringing the scent of honeysuckle to tantalize my memory.
The balmy evening air caresses my cool damp skin as  I lie on the bed intently awaiting your return. Dreams no longer sustaining, I cry out for you into darkness; a lone soul existing in another dimension, wholly for the purpose of your pleasures.

My pleas fall on deaf ears as you disappear into my mind once again; the shadow of your denial envelopes my desires and intensifies my want for your total consummation.

I am bound.

Tears flowing from my heart into a vast aching river of need, I open myself totally to this edifying illusion which surpasses every indulgence of our physical selves.

Suddenly, I feel your mouth against mine. Am I dreaming?

I must have you again. Just once.

My encompassing need is grievous within your unwillingness to satisfy my hunger. And yet, here you are again...encouraging my lust and perpetuating my never-ending desire.
But your will desecrates my worshipful intentions; and you leave me again.

You really are cruel.

There is no solace without the sustenance of your ardor.


©2011 Garden Summerland

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Drive By

Waiting at the stop sign.
You turned left into my street.
It was only for a second…or was it?
Time suspended in slow motion, your eyes locked into mine.
I wondered.
How long has it been? Days, weeks… a year maybe?
Do I know you? Have I ever?

We lived a life time in those seconds; the promise of an infinite future in your eyes.
Or at least an afternoon;
a rainy afternoon, filled with intense passion
I remember it all.

You were exquisite; sensitive and kind.
You held me, and time stood still. Just like right now.
We shared an eternity in the flash of a split second; but now you have passed right by me.
And you are gone.

A predestined meeting at a stop sign.
I waited for traffic; suspended in a moment; for love, for you.
A glitch in time so fleeting and yet I felt your everlasting devotion in my soul, once again, and I thought it would last forever.
But then you were gone.

I don’t even know you. Not then and certainly not now.
The traffic moves on.

What was your name? Did I know it?
I have forgotten it already.
But I will never forget the way that you touched me.
Drive by ecstasy.
That’s what you were and always will be.
That, I shall not soon forget.



©2011 Garden Summerland

Friday, April 8, 2011

Freedom Within

Searing hot visions scorch my soul as I toss and turn in my bed, dreaming of his arms enveloping me, his love pouring over my wounded psyche… healing me, and yet inflicting further damage to my body and my mind.
I feel his hands ravaging my body, the rain of his essence pouring over me, soaking me to the core, and yet the insatiable thirst I have for him remains.
His fingers tenderly nurturing my flesh, as his lips brutalize me with unfathomable intensity.
I want him.
Burning, burning… my soul ablaze with an inextinguishable passion singeing every avenue of escape.
I surrender myself to him unconditionally.
Dreaming of his total consummation of my being, and unable to subdue my desire,
I wept for him.
Now I must wait for him.
And he will return, finding freedom within me.


©2011 Garden Summerland

Monday, April 4, 2011

Moonlight

The moonlight streaming in through the open window cuts gently through the darkness, illuminating your naked form, as you stare out into the starless night.

Mesmerized, I watch you with silent desire.

You feel my presence but remain fixated. It's only a matter of time, you know I will come to you.
I cannot resist my consuming need to feel your skin beneath my fingers.
I touch you.... your neck and your shoulders, softly massaging you as my hands work their way down your back, my hands now resting on your hips, as my mouth begins to explore the same path.
I kiss your neck, with slow burning kisses, savoring the saltiness of your flesh.
I will never get enough.

As I move my lips to your shoulders, you turn to face me... your hands grasping me tightly around my waist and pulling me forcefully against you.
My breath is short, my hands on your back again..
I look into your eyes, pleading... wanting...hurting...begging for you...

Anything.... anything for you.

©2011 Garden Summerland

Friday, April 1, 2011

Tormented Soul

I watched you sleeping for hours.

I didn't wake you, even though I wanted you…needed you… to feel you .
Just once.
I touched your shoulder…you did not stir.
I kissed your cheek…you murmured something unintelligible.
I waited.

In the early morning, I awakened you gently, my fingers softly caressing your shoulders. Kissing your back as I lovingly massaged your skin.
I kissed you everywhere, turning you over, my mouth on your chest, traveling down your sides, worshiping your body with my tongue.
I will never get enough.
Touching, kissing, tasting, serving.
Loving.
You.

I don't know which is worse…
To fall asleep and dream of you making love to me…or to awaken and continue the dream in my mind… knowing it's just a fantasy because I can't really touch you.

Tormented soul.

©2011 Garden Summerland

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Wishing Well

I dream of you and I'll never break free
I close my eyes and you’re all that I see
I hear your voice it excites me more
Then you leave me aching to the core

I want to feel your skin beneath mine
Now I know it’s just a matter of time
I’ve touched you before in another place
All these memories of us I just can’t erase

Whatever you do I am thinking of you
Every day and every night through
Although sometimes it’s hard to tell
I am drowning in my own wishing well

It floods from the past what once is no longer
And I feel my weakness getting stronger
Seeking solace in days of yesteryear
Drowning my sorrows with too many tears

I will close my eyes for the last time tonight
If only you would make it right
Watch me now as I slip away
There is nothing left for me to say

Darkness came and took my life
I loved you, and it caused me strife
Sometimes it was hard to tell
I was drowning in my own wishing well

©2011 Garden Summerland



Tuesday, March 29, 2011

After Dinner

Elizabeth stood at the sink washing dishes. Stray wisps of dark curly hair kept falling into her eyes, and she tried unsuccessfully to push them back with her arm. Exasperated, she dried her hands on her pink ruffled apron & tucked her hair back into the short ponytail.
Then she filled the large roasting pan left from dinner with detergent and water; it would have to soak for a while.
She didn’t mind cleaning up after a dinner party. And it had been nice to see some old friends again. Thankfully though, no one had offered to stay later to help her put things away. It had been a long day, and she needed some time alone. Even if it was just to wash dishes.

As she waited for the pan to fill, she grabbed glasses from the counter and emerged them in the hot sudsy water.
And with the water running, she didn’t hear the footsteps coming up behind her.

Suddenly she felt hands around her waist, and a hard body pressed into her from behind. He held a knife to her throat. He was serious this time.
She could smell the alcohol on his breath.
He tightened his grip on her and pressed his lips against her ear.
“Don’t even whimper, bitch.”

The glass she was washing slipped from her hands, shattering in the sink.
She cut herself; intentionally.
He held her tighter, watching the blood flow freely, dripping from her fingers into the soapy water.
She knew exactly what he wanted.

©2011 Garden Summerland

Brown Eyes

Brown eyes.
Mesmerizing my soul & making me forget.
You are all I can think about, and all that I am.
I close my eyes and become lost in memories of your handsome face
And those soulful eyes.

Waiting for you between the lines of the poetry I write for you
In a world I've created for us
You have never been happier
Irish eyes are smiling.

Sometimes you visit me, but only when my eyes are closed.
I feel you inside my mind
Loving me as I have loved you
For centuries it seems

And in all of those moments of time,
when you have felt lost and alone, when you have forgotten something important
It has always been me.
Trying to reach you, trying to bring you back.

I have missed you my love.
My heart.
My beautiful brown eyes.

And soon, they will make me forget
And then we will both be lost.


©2011 Garden Summerland

Monday, March 28, 2011

Raison d'ĂȘtre

In a timeless divine realm of pure unconditional love and unsurpassed passion, she allowed him inside her soul.
She could not fathom the depth of control he had over her, commanding her with his masterful tone, and soothing her broken spirit with the soft touch of his hands.
Consumed with an endless worship of his flesh, she could not exist without him.
His very presence allowed her being, in darkness and in light... he had become both to her.
Something within her craved this tireless servitude of his every desire.
She was never left wanting, he freed her passions, setting her soul ablaze as he moved hard against her, saturating her flesh with slow burning kisses, as she begged him for mercy.

She was unable to resist him; it had always been this way, and he so enjoyed the knowledge that he could never be denied.
His hands held her face as she opened herself to him, body and mind, inviting him to live within, no boundaries and no limits.
She had long ago accepted that pleasuring him had become her raison d'etre; the fire that burned within, an inextinguishable flame engulfing her every thought, until she was no more. It would always be this way.
She stripped away his shirt, pulling him to her breast, bare skin against bare skin.
His hands once again in her hair, guiding her head down… her lips tasting his sweat, never fulfilling their kisses, down… down…
She looked up at him from her position of subservience, waiting…. His eyes pouring over her body, his hands never relinquishing their hold of her hair… but again, he was only teasing her.
He knelt beside her, and kissed her softly, his hands now traveling the course of her body, holding her neck, cupping her breasts, massaging her sides, and down...down… 
She begged him. But was it to stop, or for more?
He laid her back against the pillows on the floor, he would show her love like she had never known.
He was gentle, and then rough, his kisses softer and softer before turning into uncontrollable savagery upon her flesh.
 She loved him.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Struggle

The dream is the same. A different night, a different time… but it is always the same. It is always you.
And you always leave.

You are fast asleep in my arms; your muscular frame pressed into mine.
Exhaustion evident in our labored breaths, you rest your head on my chest, my hands caressing your back, as I replay our night of passion in my head.

I have worshiped your body openly. Without shame and with no reserve. And you have allowed me to do it. You have welcomed my adoration, and encouraged me. And yet you will leave me. You will abandon me with no want of forgiveness, as soon as I open my eyes.

I can still feel your hot breath against my shoulder.  Your hands on my back, and then suddenly, one of them covering my mouth, as your fevered rhythm breaks momentarily and you cry out into me, releasing your fierce suffering into my soul.
 
It was exactly what I have imagined. What I have dreamed and fantasized about for ages; you.
Unbridled and wild.

Accepting the very substance of your being, your essence permeates my core, and soothes me into further submission to your will.
Don’t let me awaken. No, not yet.

Even when I am not dreaming, I see the struggle in your soulful, young eyes and it makes me cry for you.
Stay with me my love and I will satisfy your cruel demands.
All of them.
I will give you the freedom that you crave. And within that freedom, you will find a respite from the unquenchable thirst that drives you.
I will heal your wounds and repair your broken psyche.

I cannot help but taste your pain when I lick your skin; the saltiness of our nights passion mixed with the agony of your loss.
Taking it all within myself, far from your heart.
I beg you, please don’t go.

©2011 Garden Summerland

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Temptation

Once again, you have come to me in my dreams.
Now scenes of your erotic intent flow freely into my awakened heart.

Tossing and turning in my bed, you have stripped
me of the sheet and my resolve, revealing my true passion.
Flooding me with your volition, mastering my desires, and taking me into hand.

I am always waiting for you.
Wanting you.
And here you are at last, giving in to the temptation.

I kiss your lips, softly, slowly.
Licking your honeyed alabaster skin
enjoying the sweetness of your taste,
as my mouth freely explores your body.

You revel in my ceaseless joy of abandon
My sole satisfaction of providing you pleasure.

I beg you.
Give me what I crave and what you need
You've wanted, and now the door has been unlocked
Never withholding, and unable to stop yourself
Out of control, fulfilling any fantasy you've ever had

Temptation.




©2011 Garden Summerland

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Fractured

I whisper your name. But I want to scream it.
You turn in the darkness, your face barely discernible, as  my eyes try to focus. I touch your face, your beautiful face, as I trace those pouty lips that I so long to kiss. I hold you for a moment, my hands gently stroking your hair.
Did you know that I have traded the very essence of my being to be with you just this once?
All has been forsakened for this one moment in time. This fleeting moment of ecstasy that will fade as soon as I open my eyes. And I have willingly given up everything.
Everything all for you.
And now I am broken. Fractured like the nightly visions that I have of the two of us escaping into a wild night.
And where are you now? So far from me & yet all I need do is to close my eyes and you will appear before me. As sleep beckons and I lose myself in a new reality; where the darkness can consume us both; and hide the transgressions of our pasts.
My dreams of you are like broken glass reflecting fractured visions of the darkest desires in my heart.

©2011 Garden Summerland

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Created

We are out of breath and soaked with sweat,  as dawn breaks and the end of another passion filled night draws to a close.
My lover.
My dream lover. A fantasy I’ve created & brought to life.
And now you will disappear, until the darkness returns again.
The nightfall and the black corners of my mind, overshadowing any sense of reality; becoming my reality.

Your cruel blistering touch, elicits deep yearning for a love that cannot be mine. Can never truly be mine.
But, I have created you.

Or perhaps, as I am beginning to understand, you have created me.
You have made me into a vessel of longing.
A vessel of acceptance of anything you are willing to give.

I crave perpetual sleep, so you will be with me always.
When will you put an end to my everlasting pain?
How long will you allow my suffering?
Alone every day, and consumed every night.

Sometimes it makes me hate you.
Cursing you until your mouth is upon mine, suffocating me with your brand of love.
Your consummation and your obsession.
Commanding my desire and making me want you.
I have no escape.

I am begging you once again not to leave me.
Please don't abandon me again.
I have nothing.
I am nothing.
You have made me into everything that you need.
My blood pumps for you now, and you create me again; every night.

I live for you.
No… I exist for you.
You carve me out of nothingness.
Created.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Lost

 My soul has been stripped bare, as once again I am forced to confront the very real possibility of life without you.  Is it over before it has even begun?

Where are you my love?
It appears as though you have forsaken me. Unknowingly, perhaps.
But that doesn’t make it hurt any less. And it is in fact, that particular detail, that makes it hurt even worse.

In my impassioned thoughts, you are alone in your bed, tossing and turning, aching for relief from the dreams of anguish and frustration that pursue you each night.  I know, for these same demons haunt me as well.

You awaken in a cold sweat,  and you are not alone. But you are lonely, and you don’t even realize why. Something is wrong my beloved. And I know that you can feel it deep in your soul. Every time you close your eyes, you are searching for me.
But I am lost to you. Possibly lost forever.

Sometimes I cry; and you feel sad.
Like today.
An overwhelming sadness crept into your heart. And you don’t even know why.
Something is missing. And you have tried desperately to replace it with something else. To replace me with someone else.
But it’s a mistake.

And now it is too late.
Too late for you.
And too late for us.

©2011 Garden Summerland

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Prompted Fiction Contest Entry

"The Comeback Clown"

It was on a bright, starry night that the traveling circus rolled into town.
I had wondered when he would come back into my life. I just hadn't realized it was going to be five years later. Almost five years to the day that he'd walked out of my life and broken my heart.
And nothing had changed.
He knew I'd buy tickets to see the show. Even though he knew I hated clowns.
I'd always hated clowns. And I most especially hated this one.
The one that had promised me the moon and then ran off chasing rainbows with this traveling side-show.

I stood outside Leary's Grocery staring at the huge red & yellow poster. "Circus".
Tonight.
I'd known it was coming for weeks, and yet somehow the reality of seeing him again didn't hit me until I saw it emblazoned across the front of the store.
The town was already deserted. Most of them already standing in line to see the tigers & elephants. Buying popcorn and cotton candy. Stuffing themselves on corn dogs & funnel cakes.
I hated funnel cakes too.

I thought about not going. But I knew just like he did, that I'd be there.
Suddenly I realized I was just standing on the street in a daze, staring at the huge clown face on the poster.
I shuddered and walked to my car. Whatever was compelling me to go this circus, was strong. A lot stronger than my years of resolve to never set foot anywhere near one again.

Maybe I would run into him. I’d give him a piece of my mind that’s for sure. I wasn’t that innocent little girl he’d dumped in the rain. I’d grown up a lot and I had a few choice words for that clown.

I decided I’d better get home and change into something a little more "circus friendly"... whatever that was.

Two hours later, I had bought a ticket and was pushing my way through the throng of townsfolk, trying hard not to look for him.
Every time I saw a big red nose, I got flashbacks of the night he abandoned me.
He had left me crying in the rain as the huge trucks thundered off into the night, leaving a trail of smoke and the scent of diesel.
Yes, I hated him.
I had cried for weeks after he left. I had been virtually inconsolable. And then, after about six months, I was finally able to smell popcorn again without breaking down into a sobbing heap.

I'd had a sandwich before I left the house, but now amidst all the smells of popcorn and fried food wafting through the air, I found myself suddenly hungry. I turned to look for a vendor that was selling anything other than funnel cakes.
I suppose I really wasn't watching where I was going, and it was at that very moment, that I ran into him. Literally almost knocking him over.

There it was. The red nose.
My first inclination was to punch him right in that red nose. I wanted to hurt him like he'd hurt me.
But in an instant, that feeling was gone.
He held me. He held me tightly.

I struggled to pull away from him, as the old feelings from five years past flooded my brain and without wanting to, I found myself holding him back. And suddenly, I was kissing a clown.
A clown I'd never stopped loving.

I've always loved clowns. Most especially this one.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Desktop Desires

A quick glance & a fleeting touch are all that I am allowed, even in my dreams; but it is enough...for now.
And yet, even so, as I am deprived of concrete satisfaction, I long for sleep to overtake me so that I may once again be enveloped in the comforting bliss of my minds fantasies. My soul weeps whenever I am awakened, and my spirit slumps into reality, as I am forced once again to realize the depth of my unhappiness.

I know what needs to be done, and yet I am lax in accomplishing that goal, or even starting on that path that could very well lead me to the happiness I so crave.
I have seemed content to dream of what I could have, rather than applying myself towards that end.

But, I am after all a dreamer. I put my desires on my desktop for all to see...and to torture myself with the things I don't have... the things that I can only dream of.
I am just a dreamer.

A wallpaper dreamer.