Monday, January 17, 2011

A Byrne Priest?

As always, a mysterious mist wafts through the scenario...and I am lost. Searching for someone, or something, I am unsure. Maybe it is both.

I am in a long dark corridor; men in black clothes brushing against me to get past. A deep low chanting beckons me forward, pulling me into a small chamber. I push hard against the heavy timber door, shutting out the throng of dark clad ministers, and coming face to face with a pale faced youth of about 12.

My quest has become clear, this spectral child is a magical being, who presents me with very high heeled shoes. With whispered words I do not understand, he enchants my feet, and the shoes are placed upon them.

Ever so slightly, a wind blows through the room & he is gone. Something compels me to search the room for boots... flat boots that I can run in. Run away in.

The massive wooden door slowly creaks open, and a man in a priests outfit enters... it is Gabriel Byrne.

He warns me against taking off the magical heels in exchange for low heeled boots, and is pleased when he finds that I have embraced the heels & come out wearing them with white lace socks.
He smiles and tells me I have made the right choice.

The mysterious mist consumes all and I awaken. 

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Award Winner

She sat alone in the darkness, waiting for him to return. The cold hard metal, weighty in her hands, steadied her nerves. As she wiped the sweat from her upper lip with the back of her hand, she heard the click of the key in the lock.
She braced herself.

He entered and fumbled for the light switch, cursing when nothing happened and he remained in darkness. She smiled.
"Wait... you must wait for just the right moment." she  repeated to herself, as she had played out this scene hundreds of times in her mind.

The phone rang & he tripped over something on his way to answer it, cursing again. The answering machine picked up, and the caller hung up. This was not a part of the plan.
He stood up & headed for the closest lamp.
Now, it had to be now!
Just as the room was flooded with light, she stood up to face him.
"You forgot something." she said coolly, raising the heavy gold statue out in front of her.
He smiled. "It was intentional, I knew you'd bring it to me."
He grabbed the award from her & tossed it onto the sofa, and pulled her into him, kissing her passionately.
"Do I really deserve the award for the Most Outstanding Performance?" He asked teasingly.

She laughed. "I'll let you know in the morning...come on."
He reached for the lamp & turned out the light.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Desktop Desires

A quick glance & a fleeting touch are all that I am allowed, even in my dreams; but it is enough...for now.
And yet, even so, as I am deprived of concrete satisfaction, I long for sleep to overtake me so that I may once again be enveloped in the comforting bliss of my minds fantasies. My soul weeps whenever I am awakened, and my spirit slumps into reality, as I am forced once again to realize the depth of my unhappiness.

I know what needs to be done, and yet I am lax in accomplishing that goal, or even starting on that path that could very well lead me to the happiness I so crave.
I have seemed content to dream of what I could have, rather than applying myself towards that end.

But, I am after all a dreamer. I put my desires on my desktop for all to see...and to torture myself with the things I don't have... the things that I can only dream of.
I am just a dreamer.

A wallpaper dreamer.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Out of Time

It's like learning to walk all over again. I sit & dream of places I'd like to go & yet, these legs just won't move. Sure, I can crawl there.
I've been crawling for years.

But now I am out of time. Somehow, somewhere... the clock got sped up. And now what? I am sitting here, again, dreaming of places I want to go, and things I want to do.

Today, I am not even crawling. Today I have been reminded that I am out of time. I am stunned, almost immobilized with fear, a crawling paralysis... now I cannot move at all.
The luxury of my dreaming has had a very high price. And I cannot afford it any more. I can either get up & run, or resign myself to the fact that I am nothing but a dreamer... a dreamer that doesn't really want to walk after all, much less run.
I will not even bother to pull myself up today, I will not try to stand. The last time I tried, the rug was snatched right out from under me. 

Today, it would appear I will wallow. Wallow in self pity & self doubt. And the hard realization, that I am a dreamer whose time has come to an end.

There is no time for action, because I am out of time.

Out of my time.