Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Wishing Well

I dream of you and I'll never break free
I close my eyes and you’re all that I see
I hear your voice it excites me more
Then you leave me aching to the core

I want to feel your skin beneath mine
Now I know it’s just a matter of time
I’ve touched you before in another place
All these memories of us I just can’t erase

Whatever you do I am thinking of you
Every day and every night through
Although sometimes it’s hard to tell
I am drowning in my own wishing well

It floods from the past what once is no longer
And I feel my weakness getting stronger
Seeking solace in days of yesteryear
Drowning my sorrows with too many tears

I will close my eyes for the last time tonight
If only you would make it right
Watch me now as I slip away
There is nothing left for me to say

Darkness came and took my life
I loved you, and it caused me strife
Sometimes it was hard to tell
I was drowning in my own wishing well

©2011 Garden Summerland

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

After Dinner

Elizabeth stood at the sink washing dishes. Stray wisps of dark curly hair kept falling into her eyes, and she tried unsuccessfully to push them back with her arm. Exasperated, she dried her hands on her pink ruffled apron & tucked her hair back into the short ponytail.
Then she filled the large roasting pan left from dinner with detergent and water; it would have to soak for a while.
She didn’t mind cleaning up after a dinner party. And it had been nice to see some old friends again. Thankfully though, no one had offered to stay later to help her put things away. It had been a long day, and she needed some time alone. Even if it was just to wash dishes.

As she waited for the pan to fill, she grabbed glasses from the counter and emerged them in the hot sudsy water.
And with the water running, she didn’t hear the footsteps coming up behind her.

Suddenly she felt hands around her waist, and a hard body pressed into her from behind. He held a knife to her throat. He was serious this time.
She could smell the alcohol on his breath.
He tightened his grip on her and pressed his lips against her ear.
“Don’t even whimper, bitch.”

The glass she was washing slipped from her hands, shattering in the sink.
She cut herself; intentionally.
He held her tighter, watching the blood flow freely, dripping from her fingers into the soapy water.
She knew exactly what he wanted.

©2011 Garden Summerland

Brown Eyes

Brown eyes.
Mesmerizing my soul & making me forget.
You are all I can think about, and all that I am.
I close my eyes and become lost in memories of your handsome face
And those soulful eyes.

Waiting for you between the lines of the poetry I write for you
In a world I've created for us
You have never been happier
Irish eyes are smiling.

Sometimes you visit me, but only when my eyes are closed.
I feel you inside my mind
Loving me as I have loved you
For centuries it seems

And in all of those moments of time,
when you have felt lost and alone, when you have forgotten something important
It has always been me.
Trying to reach you, trying to bring you back.

I have missed you my love.
My heart.
My beautiful brown eyes.

And soon, they will make me forget
And then we will both be lost.

©2011 Garden Summerland

Monday, March 28, 2011

Raison d'ĂȘtre

In a timeless divine realm of pure unconditional love and unsurpassed passion, she allowed him inside her soul.
She could not fathom the depth of control he had over her, commanding her with his masterful tone, and soothing her broken spirit with the soft touch of his hands.
Consumed with an endless worship of his flesh, she could not exist without him.
His very presence allowed her being, in darkness and in light... he had become both to her.
Something within her craved this tireless servitude of his every desire.
She was never left wanting, he freed her passions, setting her soul ablaze as he moved hard against her, saturating her flesh with slow burning kisses, as she begged him for mercy.

She was unable to resist him; it had always been this way, and he so enjoyed the knowledge that he could never be denied.
His hands held her face as she opened herself to him, body and mind, inviting him to live within, no boundaries and no limits.
She had long ago accepted that pleasuring him had become her raison d'etre; the fire that burned within, an inextinguishable flame engulfing her every thought, until she was no more. It would always be this way.
She stripped away his shirt, pulling him to her breast, bare skin against bare skin.
His hands once again in her hair, guiding her head down… her lips tasting his sweat, never fulfilling their kisses, down… down…
She looked up at him from her position of subservience, waiting…. His eyes pouring over her body, his hands never relinquishing their hold of her hair… but again, he was only teasing her.
He knelt beside her, and kissed her softly, his hands now traveling the course of her body, holding her neck, cupping her breasts, massaging her sides, and down...down… 
She begged him. But was it to stop, or for more?
He laid her back against the pillows on the floor, he would show her love like she had never known.
He was gentle, and then rough, his kisses softer and softer before turning into uncontrollable savagery upon her flesh.
 She loved him.

Friday, March 25, 2011

The Funeral ***alternate version***

I waited for the voices to return and berate me again, but they did not. I had not heard from them since the evening before I bled Evan to death. Apparently they weren’t aware of what had transpired between us, and as far as I was concerned, they would never know. Maybe I was becoming what everyone said I was. But it had never been their right to say. And back then, it had all been lies. The mocking, the name calling, the taunts and the beatings I had suffered at the hands of bullies that hated me because I was a little different.
And they had killed momma too.  As sure as if they had cut her wrists themselves.
But, what was done, was done, and what I had to do, I had to do.
That was all there was to it.

I stood back from the crowd. The stranger walked slowly with the others, their heads down; some crying, some with faces lacking any emotion at all, as mine did.
He removed his dark glasses and as he got closer, he looked at me. Or rather, looked through me. I felt his gaze go into my eyes, and penetrate my soul. His expression did not change.
My heart became even colder as I recognized the same features; softer, younger features, yet still the same.
Evan’s brother.
I never felt so weak. I feared collapsing as he neared.
He couldn’t have been more than twenty years old. And he was absolutely gorgeous. I recalled seeing him once, years ago. He’d been tagging along with his big brother at the park. I guess he was about 9 then. He’d been a scrawny little kid, but he didn’t seem to like the others laughing, and calling me names that I’m sure he didn’t understand. But it doesn’t do much good to have an ally that’s half your size when you are faced with bullies that are bigger than you are already.
He steadily approached.
Adrenaline had dumped into my system and I wanted to scream.
My eyes locked into his, and my face became frozen with an ice-cold desire I could not hide. His eyes held me for a moment, then he turned and continued towards the grave. I was going to be sick.
I waited.
I watched him walk to the front row of chairs the funeral home had placed for the immediate families of both of the deceased.
He sat next to an older blond woman I presumed to be the dead girl’s mother; she looked just like her.
I watched as his arm went around the woman, a tender long fingered hand stroked the back of her head. He was so far removed from everyone there that he couldn’t possibly belong anywhere else but by my side.
The service was short, and evoked much emotion from the family.
Except him. He never shed a tear. In fact, his expression hadn’t changed since his arrival.
I wanted to comfort him, but he did not look as though comfort was what he sought.
I wondered what was. I knew that whatever it was, I could provide it for him .
I bathed in my own remorse. I wasn’t sorry that Evan was dead, but I had shared with him what I now wanted to share with his brother. Now I needed a way to make it special again. I would have to think about it all very carefully. I certainly didn’t want the voices finding out about Evan and certainly not about this most recent development. I would have to be clever.
I couldn’t take my eyes from him.
I wanted him to scream my name, but most of all, I wanted to scream his.

I bowed my head and immersed myself in my last memories of Evan. Why couldn’t I have waited? But even if I had, would I have crossed Garrett’s path again if I had not killed his brother?
I would have had no reason to kill Evan if they had all just left me alone. Why couldn’t they all have just left me alone?

I tingled all over, not just from the cold, or the excitement Garrett caused in me, but also because I only had four more to go, and momma would be vindicated.
With Garrett by my side… well, …the hell with all of them.
Perhaps it was because I hadn’t heard the voices in days that I felt so free and unrestrained.
My thoughts ran rampant with fantasies of escaping with Garrett, and never having to face the voices again. I wanted so much to be free of them. And I knew that someday, I would be. But, at that moment, Garrett was all that truly existed to me.
My Garrett. Or at least he soon would be.
In every sense of the word.

©2011 Garden Summerland

Thursday, March 24, 2011


The dream is the same. A different night, a different time… but it is always the same. It is always you.
And you always leave.

You are fast asleep in my arms; your muscular frame pressed into mine.
Exhaustion evident in our labored breaths, you rest your head on my chest, my hands caressing your back, as I replay our night of passion in my head.

I have worshiped your body openly. Without shame and with no reserve. And you have allowed me to do it. You have welcomed my adoration, and encouraged me. And yet you will leave me. You will abandon me with no want of forgiveness, as soon as I open my eyes.

I can still feel your hot breath against my shoulder.  Your hands on my back, and then suddenly, one of them covering my mouth, as your fevered rhythm breaks momentarily and you cry out into me, releasing your fierce suffering into my soul.
It was exactly what I have imagined. What I have dreamed and fantasized about for ages; you.
Unbridled and wild.

Accepting the very substance of your being, your essence permeates my core, and soothes me into further submission to your will.
Don’t let me awaken. No, not yet.

Even when I am not dreaming, I see the struggle in your soulful, young eyes and it makes me cry for you.
Stay with me my love and I will satisfy your cruel demands.
All of them.
I will give you the freedom that you crave. And within that freedom, you will find a respite from the unquenchable thirst that drives you.
I will heal your wounds and repair your broken psyche.

I cannot help but taste your pain when I lick your skin; the saltiness of our nights passion mixed with the agony of your loss.
Taking it all within myself, far from your heart.
I beg you, please don’t go.

©2011 Garden Summerland

Wednesday, March 23, 2011


Once again, you have come to me in my dreams.
Now scenes of your erotic intent flow freely into my awakened heart.

Tossing and turning in my bed, you have stripped
me of the sheet and my resolve, revealing my true passion.
Flooding me with your volition, mastering my desires, and taking me into hand.

I am always waiting for you.
Wanting you.
And here you are at last, giving in to the temptation.

I kiss your lips, softly, slowly.
Licking your honeyed alabaster skin
enjoying the sweetness of your taste,
as my mouth freely explores your body.

You revel in my ceaseless joy of abandon
My sole satisfaction of providing you pleasure.

I beg you.
Give me what I crave and what you need
You've wanted, and now the door has been unlocked
Never withholding, and unable to stop yourself
Out of control, fulfilling any fantasy you've ever had


©2011 Garden Summerland

Tuesday, March 22, 2011


I whisper your name. But I want to scream it.
You turn in the darkness, your face barely discernible, as  my eyes try to focus. I touch your face, your beautiful face, as I trace those pouty lips that I so long to kiss. I hold you for a moment, my hands gently stroking your hair.
Did you know that I have traded the very essence of my being to be with you just this once?
All has been forsakened for this one moment in time. This fleeting moment of ecstasy that will fade as soon as I open my eyes. And I have willingly given up everything.
Everything all for you.
And now I am broken. Fractured like the nightly visions that I have of the two of us escaping into a wild night.
And where are you now? So far from me & yet all I need do is to close my eyes and you will appear before me. As sleep beckons and I lose myself in a new reality; where the darkness can consume us both; and hide the transgressions of our pasts.
My dreams of you are like broken glass reflecting fractured visions of the darkest desires in my heart.

©2011 Garden Summerland

Saturday, March 19, 2011


We are out of breath and soaked with sweat,  as dawn breaks and the end of another passion filled night draws to a close.
My lover.
My dream lover. A fantasy I’ve created & brought to life.
And now you will disappear, until the darkness returns again.
The nightfall and the black corners of my mind, overshadowing any sense of reality; becoming my reality.

Your cruel blistering touch, elicits deep yearning for a love that cannot be mine. Can never truly be mine.
But, I have created you.

Or perhaps, as I am beginning to understand, you have created me.
You have made me into a vessel of longing.
A vessel of acceptance of anything you are willing to give.

I crave perpetual sleep, so you will be with me always.
When will you put an end to my everlasting pain?
How long will you allow my suffering?
Alone every day, and consumed every night.

Sometimes it makes me hate you.
Cursing you until your mouth is upon mine, suffocating me with your brand of love.
Your consummation and your obsession.
Commanding my desire and making me want you.
I have no escape.

I am begging you once again not to leave me.
Please don't abandon me again.
I have nothing.
I am nothing.
You have made me into everything that you need.
My blood pumps for you now, and you create me again; every night.

I live for you.
No… I exist for you.
You carve me out of nothingness.

Thursday, March 17, 2011


 My soul has been stripped bare, as once again I am forced to confront the very real possibility of life without you.  Is it over before it has even begun?

Where are you my love?
It appears as though you have forsaken me. Unknowingly, perhaps.
But that doesn’t make it hurt any less. And it is in fact, that particular detail, that makes it hurt even worse.

In my impassioned thoughts, you are alone in your bed, tossing and turning, aching for relief from the dreams of anguish and frustration that pursue you each night.  I know, for these same demons haunt me as well.

You awaken in a cold sweat,  and you are not alone. But you are lonely, and you don’t even realize why. Something is wrong my beloved. And I know that you can feel it deep in your soul. Every time you close your eyes, you are searching for me.
But I am lost to you. Possibly lost forever.

Sometimes I cry; and you feel sad.
Like today.
An overwhelming sadness crept into your heart. And you don’t even know why.
Something is missing. And you have tried desperately to replace it with something else. To replace me with someone else.
But it’s a mistake.

And now it is too late.
Too late for you.
And too late for us.

©2011 Garden Summerland