Monday, December 21, 2015

Mirrored Soul Soliloquy

I had awakened and yet I still slept; restless and broken. I still dreamt of you, but I could no longer remember details, only fuzzy recollections of your beautiful face; an amber lit street, strangers and your friends, dancing in the dark.
Some of them I recognized from old photographs, but I never knew them. I was confused... had I been with you? Yes, I could still feel your presence; lines had been crossed. Reality to my dreams, my dreams into your reality. But now it was all a part of the past... or was it?
As expected, my room was unbearably hot. I opened a window onto the cool night and looking up I counted stars, your stars. Our stars. I whispered to the wind; look up at that sky; endless blackness dotted with tiny sparks. I wanted you. And I would have you. Again.
I took out my journal and jotted down the time and how I felt.
Sad? No. Depressed? Maybe a little. But tonight's ruling emotion was more like bereavement. I'd lost... something. I felt relieved and lighter... freer and yet bound even tighter to my fantasy. But it was so much more than a fantasy. This one had come true, and I knew we would be reunited once again. I felt it deep inside my soul... my bones... what was deeper? I couldn't escape you. My soul mate, my twin flame... separated by eons, years traveled in a heartbeat... love to love. Me to you.
The cool air made me shiver. Sleep beckoned once again, or perhaps it was you... calling from across time. I would go back to you. I felt your words inside my mind.
Meet me in our secret place... close your eyes and I will appear.
I did as your voice commanded.
I kept my eyes closed and waited... willing myself to you.
Still nothing.
My breath became shallow as my hopes fell.
I opened my eyes and let the window down gently, turning my back on the powerful shimmering orb in the sky.
I fought the urge to smash my fist through the pane. I wanted to feel the shattering glass... jagged shards slicing into my arm. That was what my heart felt like... separated from you. Bereaved? Yes. That was it. You were split from me so long ago, and never allowed to find your way home to me.
And now you wander...seeking solace with them. Your lovers. Hundreds of them; adoring sycophants willing to do anything you ask.
They are lost too... still you go to them; sleep with them and tell them you love them. For what? Only to breed dissatisfaction because they are not me.
But I am here. Silently I cry out for you in the middle of the day. My words never reaching their intended destination. Only... you do not know that I am here; how could you? Your world has been twisted, turned upside down; an amnesiac soul tossed around the unfathomable abyss. That city. The place you call home.
You catch your breath as I whisper your name. You can feel me... somewhere out there, and somewhere inside; deep within yourself, you know I exist. I must, or there is no purpose to any of it. I felt the same and then I saw you. Your smile touched the aching spaces between my heart and my soul. The empty space that was all that was left when your soul was ripped from mine. You feel it too. A longing that nothing satisfies... you search for another high, but there is no drug to replace me. Your addiction isn't for the feeling... it is for my presence inside you.
Hear me now, my love. My twin... the white hot flame of my mirrored soul can never be extinguished or replaced.

©2015 Garden Summerland

No comments:

Post a Comment