A Purpose to Suffering

I was slowly regaining consciousness, a soothing voice brought me back.

"Leelee, come on honey, let's get you home."

I squinted my eyes and looked up, the security light on the side of the building temporarily blinded me, and I couldn't see his face, but I knew who it was. My ex-boyfriend Joe was standing over me shaking his head in disbelief. "What the hell happened to you? I told you not to drink... dammit Leelee. Come on, you're a mess. Let's get you back inside and get you cleaned up."

I'd been lying face down on the pavement for hours, the cold had settled into my bones and I was covered in my own vomit. I sat up and wiped my mouth and tried to straighten my clothes. My t-shirt was ripped down the front and my pants were stained in patches from the wet asphalt. I was a total mess.

Joe stretched out his arm and offered his hand to me. I paused and then sheepishly slid my hand into his and he pulled me up from the pavement. I'd been lying there for at least an hour puking my guts up. It wasn't a pretty sight. I wasn't just drunk, I knew I'd been drugged as well.

I'd come with a couple of girlfriends to a party at Maxie's bar, an "invitation only private party" hosted by the owner, Max Tolliver. He was everybody's friend, still the big man on campus, and everyone called him 'Maxie'.

I had quite a few new names to call him now. He'd made sure I'd had plenty to drink, obviously one of them roofied, and then he'd coerced me into the back of the club where he'd attacked me. Pushing me down onto a roll-away cot and sticking his tongue down my throat. I'd pushed him off and he'd smacked me a couple of times. Then he went insane, tearing my shirt open, and yanking my jeans down. I struggled against him, clawing him with my nails and he hit me again. I knew what was coming next and thankfully, I couldn't help myself as I threw up all over him. But it didn't stop him. My clothes were being ripped to shreds and he was forcing himself on me. There was nothing else I could do but scream. And he let me. I cried out for help, but the thundering music from the party in the next room rendered my screams inaudible. I laid as still as I could, waiting... and then just like that, it was over and he was gone. I stumbled in the darkness out the back door, falling to the ground where I'd been lying for a couple of hours until Joe found me and took me home.

**********

I stood in my kitchen mixing up chocolate chip cookies, recounting the horrible incident to my daughter. Leaving out bit's and pieces here and there, censoring the story, but not so much that it lost it's impact. It had been one of those 'you can't be too careful' conversations we'd had once a little too often. I was determined nothing like that would ever happen to her.

"So whatever happened to him? That guy, Maxie... 'everybody's friend'... did he get arrested? Is he in jail?" Joely's naive face stared up at me, expecting me to confirm that justice had been served.

"I'm not really sure what happened to him. I think he got married, probably had a kid or two. Guess he lives around here somewhere. It's been almost twelve years ago honey, it was nothing to him. I'm sure he's had a nice life."

"You mean the bad guy got away momma?"

I reached over and brushed the hair from her eyes and rested my hand on the top of her head. How could I explain it to her?

"Yeah, baby. I guess the bad guy got away this time."

"No momma, one day something really bad will happen to that man. I just know it. He'll get what he's got coming to him. Like you always say." She looked up at me and smiled.

I hoped she was right; retribution would be a long time coming. Next month it would be twelve years since; October 14th. Joely's birthday was in July, exactly nine months later. That's the part she would never know; no one would ever know.

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